Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Feels Update

Haven't done one of these in a bit, and I figure I should let people know who might want to, I'm doing really well. I have had a couple days where depression crept up, and I still get anxious when I at all think about the whole "having anxiety over doing anything non-productive" thing, but I'm dealing with it well. I've been able to play video games without getting anxious or depressed again and I've been enjoying them. I got back into Fallout 4 after playing the Outer Worlds.

I still feel like an ant in the face of all the suffering and injustice in the world. I'm still worried about what the future will bring. I still feel guilty about not doing more and still dread the social awkwardness that comes with any form of public activism.

I think I'm still unsure of my place in the world. I still find myself questioning why I exist and why anything exists. Maybe that's normal for a politically active person of my age who doesn't have or want kids? What's normal isn't important, though.

Video games may not be "productive" or help much in my personal development, but they distract me from the constant yammering of my brain over these questions and from the horrors of the modern world, and I need that. Hopefully over time I can gain more confidence, work on my anxiety issues, and spend more time volunteering and getting involved in real-world activism. But for now I've learned the hard way that guilting myself for not doing more only leads to disaster.

I'm not a superhero. Neither are you. I see a lot of people expecting so much of themselves, forgetting that we're all only human. And I know some people really are out there doing so much, but we're all different. We all have to go at our own pace. And we all need to be taking the kind of advice we're giving out on our blogs and social media pages LINDSEY.

Be kind to yourselves. Now I need to go play that NukaWorld DLC I bought and never played.

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