Friday, September 20, 2019

So Here's How I'm Doing

I've been feeling pretty strange this week. Not necessarily depressed, but things are just so different. Things changed so suddenly. I'm still having a lot of random anxiety at the idea of doing things I used to enjoy. I'm trying to just let myself have my feelings and let them pass on. I'm not trying to force myself to play video games while watching TV. I then also have anxiety, mostly in the form of a low-level sense of urgency/uneasiness because I still feel like I'm not "maximizing" my downtime. Then my brain starts thinking that I should at least watch something educational or something, and that idea makes me anxious, so long story short I've been watching a lot of Bob's Burgers.

I'm trying to get my brain to realize that my downtime is just that - downtime. I need rest. And if that means just sitting on the couch watching a show I've watched 5,000 times then so be it. I'm also trying to assure myself that I've playing the long game. Everything I'm doing, including resting, is part of the long-term plan to gradually improve my mental health until I can be of more use to the movement.

In some ways, I have a lot of patience. In other ways, I have very little. I'm trying.

I still don't understand how so many otherwise normal people can be so cruel to those who are already suffering and have nothing. The growing hatred against the homeless is further convincing me that nothing much has changed in recent human history. I guess humanity in general is one of those things I don't have much patience for. But it's real hard to be patient with white suburban middle class ladies actively campaigning to fuck over the homeless. And now Trump is playing for their votes by saying he'll lock them all up. So I guess we really haven't improved since the 1800's. At least not us white people.

On the other hand, I've regained a little hope that things could get better. Maybe even a little peace at the idea of human extinction. And I'm glad it's almost fall.

I hope every one of you fuckers has an awesome weekend unless you're a NIMBY piece of shit. Kisses.

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