Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Feminist Conspiracy #385692035879: Suede Bags and the Murder of the Locking Briefcase

Are you confused by that headline? Now you know how I felt after reading this Instagram post from Jacob Wohl, professional conservative social media bungler.


I don't want to link to this shithead's Instagram, but here is the text in case you can't read the above:

I use a locking briefcase. Whenever I walk through an airport or an office building with it, people stop and compliment it. They say “Wow! you never see those anymore” — The removal of the locking briefcase from civil society was a feminist conspiracy. Back in old days, if a man had an extra cell phone, it would go in the briefcase when he got home. Love note from his secretary? Locking briefcase. Hockey tickets along the ice for him and his friends? Locking briefcase. Thanks to the feminists, men are now expected to carry around a soft, suede bag (preferably in a feminine color). It’s time for men to take their privacy back. Get a locking briefcase today! P.S. NEW BLOG POST (link in bio)

I cannot imagine the kind of acid trip that blog post must be.

You heard it here, folks. I've never seen one of these suede bags in a feminine or masculine color myself, but apparently the disappearance of locking briefcases is due to a highly successful feminist conspiracy to ensure that men can't have fun with their friends and/or cheat on their wives. Hold on, let me get out the obligatory evil feminist conspiracy laugh.




Perfect.

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