The Best Tweets About Straight Pride

It's that time again! That magical time of year where the cis straight people come out of the woodwork to demand their own parade to celebrate uhhhhhhhh hundreds of years of being seen as normal and oppressing LGBT+ people? Anyway, this year, someone in Boston, who is of course a white supremacist, is seeking a permit for a straight pride parade. The jokes almost make this shit worth it.

the straight pride parade in boston should have a completely straight parade route, i thought i'd save them some time by drawing one pic.twitter.com/afbUi8mtnu

— pun the jewels (@failnaut) June 4, 2019

Isn’t a straight pride parade just the drive thru line at Chick-Fil-A?

— Christine Thompson (@Druncan_Hines) June 4, 2019

The straight pride parade will be mostly men because very few women will get to come.

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 4, 2019

Why do we need a straight pride parade when this already exists? pic.twitter.com/FgwaLOhHLx

— ✩° 𝙰𝚗𝚗𝚊｡⋆ (@peachkissd) June 4, 2019

why do straight people think they need a straight pride parade

netflix is already paying $100 million to keep friends on, isn't that enough

— leigh hayley (@leighagenda) June 4, 2019

A more accurate name for the Straight Pride Parade would be Incelebration.

— Adam Best (@adamcbest) June 4, 2019

Floats for the Straight Pride Parade...

- Giant AXE body spray
- Bag of Doritos
- Big Mountain Dew
- Tomi Lahren riding a Swastika
- Jacob Wohl waving on a Twinkie
- Charlie Kirk in a diaper
- The curly hair gun girl in a beige leotard riding an AR-15
- Giant Parent’s basement

— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) June 4, 2019

Each float in the straight pride parade is 10 guys explaining a different Coen brothers movie to you.

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) June 5, 2019

let's see who the straight pride parade really is pic.twitter.com/P2HHCq24BK

— corellianpirate (@kiwi_maddog12) June 4, 2019

i'm totally fine with Boston having a Straight Pride parade, provided:

1) LGBTQIA+ people can attend & be oblivious to straightness & treat it like a random party event

2) there's a mock protester brigade with bullhorns, yelling how all straight people are going to burn in hell

— 🚀𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕔𝕣𝕒𝕗𝕗𝕗💫 (@spacecrafff) June 4, 2019

omg a straight pride parade https://t.co/HA96qrxm7Q

— marlene (@msgddghsts) May 29, 2019

Jared Kushner is what happens when a straight pride parade becomes a real boy. pic.twitter.com/YYqjGvTFin

— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) June 3, 2019

Here's my personal contribution to the effort:

Straight Pride Parade planning committee: pic.twitter.com/V4HG8T3gxf

— Lindsey Weedston (@LindseyWeedston) June 5, 2019

Are too many of my joke references to the Fairly Odd Parents? Nah.

Another cool thing, both Smash Mouth and the bassist from Blink-182 are supporting the dunking on Straight Pride efforts.

Straight Pride Parade????? FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!

— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) June 4, 2019

To celebrate how utterly ridiculous a Straight Pride parade is, I’m going to auction off one of my basses, match the final bid dollar-for-dollar, and donate all the money to the @TrevorProject. 🏳️‍🌈

— mark hoppus.🏳️‍🌈 (@markhoppus) June 5, 2019

They're not exactly good bands, but I'm pretty sure these are straight dude staples, so it's super funny. Happy Pride.