Wednesday, February 6, 2019

State of the Union Highlights


Yes, I did watch the State of the Union address last night. Because I had to for work. I'm technically a journalist, I guess, lol, so I have to watch these things, but I absolutely would have boycotted otherwise.

But it's us journalists who allow people to skip the SOTU but also find out what happened so YOU'RE WELCOME. For this selection of things you've probably already heard about because other journalists already wrote about it before 3 PM the next day.

Anyway, let's see. Most of the SOTU was predictable things you've already heard over and over. Something something wall, something something MS13. Using a racist boogeyman tale of brown men tying up and gagging women and raping them in order to convince people that those same women should be forced to stay in the same countries where these men live. Tolerance is actually cruelty! That might have been my favorite part. Tolerance might seem like a good thing, Trump said, but it's actually CRUEL.

In a way, I agree. Tolerating Trump as President, for example, has been incredibly cruel, and we'd all have been better off if the majority had just dragged him out of his gilded mansion the day after he was elected and hanged him. See, you can use the "the ends justify the means" argument to make just about anything sound like a moral act.

My least favorite part of the SOTU was definitely how much of my time was wasted by Republicans and often also Democrats giving a long standing ovation at every goddamn empty platitude that came out of Trump's mouth. "AMERICA GOOD" *two-minute standing ovation*.

What else? Apparently America "saved freedom" or some nonsense like that. There was a ton of trotting out veterans, a little girl who survived cancer, and people who survived mass shootings without once mentioning doing anything real to stop those mass shootings or mentioning white supremacy and neo nazis even after the bit with the Holocaust survivor who also survived the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting last year.

Also this actually happened while I was sick but Trump mentioned withdrawing from a nuclear treaty with Russia? So uh, Cold War II: Electric Bigaloo?

The only actually good thing Trump said was to promote national paid family leave so that parents can have time with their newborn kids. What was interesting was that, at least on the feed I was watching, the camera only showed Democrats standing and applauding for that one and didn't show the Republican side at all, so I'm not sure if they stood for it, too? Because Republicans have always been against such a dirty socialist idea. And then later Trump literally named socialism as a threat to America. Awesome.

Trump tried to take credit for the female Democrats wearing white and standing for more women in Congress. Nancy kept looking like she was trying not to laugh, which would make me laugh, and then I would miss something important.

Oh another great part, Trump bragged about the U.S. economy being the best in the world, with the second best not even being close to us. What's great is that while I was waiting for the SOTU to start, I read an article about how the U.S. will probably lose our top spot to China by next year and we're unlikely to get it back any time soon. We'll probably also be passed up by India, which I think is currently at #3.

But tarrifs are working, right? My best tweet from the night:

The whole thing was an hour and 20 minutes long, which was way too much. After that, I watched Stacey Abrams' response, which was a much better speech all around. Abrams also has one of those smiles that makes it impossible not to smile back even when you're just watching her on a screen. I was not, however, thrilled with the old talk about bipartisanship and working together. We're all tired of that old Democrat line. You can't work with fascists who only care about their own power. Just stop.

And, as much as I don't like Nancy Pelosi, I did absolutely love that little clap she did for him at the end. Some people are calling it a hate clap or something but what I saw was the clap you give a little kid who just did a terrible job at something but they tried and are five so you do that little clap and go "good effort, Brandon!" The smile at the end, too. "You got through the whole thing without pooping your pants, good job!"

There was some other stuff too, like Trump making up a weird nonsensical rhyme to try and convince people that Mueller should stop investigating him. But generally it was a circus that I would be embarrassed to show anyone outside of the country. That is the state of our union.

Nineteen months to Election Day 2020!

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