Tuesday, November 27, 2018

We're All Just Trying to Cope


I don't know for sure but I bet I said I would not let the child migrant prison camp thing go until it was stopped. But I've stopped posting about it. Despite the fact that those prison camps are only getting more crowded and more news keeps coming out about just how fucked up they are.

I haven't been thinking about it. Because I know that my yelling about it on the internet will not stop it, I know there aren't enough people who are willing to keep yelling about it to make a difference. I know it's not going to stop. They're going to make more prison camps and shove more kids into it and no amount of horrific news is going to put a stop to this short of a serious Holocaust-level atrocity.

I know this. In my gut, I know it. We all know it's useless, don't we? That's why we've all stopped talking about it and trying to avoid it. Not enough people care, and those that do can't keep caring while we know that nothing will be done because not enough care. Our only choices are to go do something real, like blowing a hole in the walls keeping these kids prisoner, or stop thinking about it. Or go insane from grief. Feel all the suffering in the world and scream and scream and scream until our heart stops.

We can't handle it. So we cope by pushing it out of our brains. The good ones don't mean to, but we can't help it. It's a survival technique. I do it, too. I'm actually the queen of avoidance, which is a title I don't relish because it fucks up my life constantly. But my brain learned it in order to survive and it's loath to give it up. It's also real easy to learn because it works so well, and our brains only want to protect us and keep us alive.

I don't know why people do evil things in the first place that cause so much suffering. I don't understand the malignant greed that leads people to hoard unimaginable wealth and resources. I do understand why people let it happen. We can't deal.

I hate my fucking brain sometimes. Its desperate need to survive and its false belief that anything that causes the slightest bit of discomfort of anxiety can and will kill me keeps me from even being able to go to organizing meetings. I try. I really try. I want to give everything up and go fight but I can't. I'm scared. And the enormity of the suffering in the world crushes me. All I can do it stop thinking about it. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep doing next to nothing. I can't do anything more. What do I do? What do I do???

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