Also, it's just generally funny.
Rand Paul's injuries are much worse than first thought after police say he was beaten by his next-door neighbor
Republican Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky was severely injured this weekend during an altercation with his next-door neighbor, a top aide said on Sunday in a statement reported by multiple outlets.
Paul, who was a 2016 GOP presidential candidate, has five broken ribs and bruises to his lungs, and there is no timetable for his return to Washington, DC, said the aide, Doug Stafford. Police had originally characterized Paul's injuries as "minor," The Washington Post reported.
See, we can laugh about it because Rand Paul has the best healthcare money can buy. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Of course, reports of a neighborly feud between Rand and Rene have not stopped the conspiracy theories that this retired doctor is a liberal communist antifa agent trying to start a civil war... wait, I thought that was their theory on the latest mass shooting. Ah fuck I think we can assume that this is their theory on anything bad that happens at this point.
But even if Rene did do this because he's a dirty liberal, and I dunno, maybe just seeing Rand's smug piece-of-shit face mowing his massive undeserved lawn in front of his massive undeserved house threw Rene into an understandable fit of rage. And we all know how unstable white men are. If he really attacked Rand because of politics, I'm totally on his side, and I'm gonna remind the fretting and wailing conservatives that a few broken ribs is nothing compared to what has happened to greedy dictators in the past.