Monday, November 7, 2016

Looking for More Election-Related Existential Horror?

So at this point, the election discourse has become so unbearable that I'm looking forward to the end of it like I look forward to the end of an interview for a job I need but don't really want, or the end of a pap smear. I'm not even going to tell anyone but close friends and family who I voted for for President because I'll be attacked no matter what I say. Either I'm a shill voting for an imperialist warhawk monster, submitting to the system that forces people to vote for mass murderers to avoid harm to people closer to us than those in Syria, or I'm a privileged fuck contributing to the possible deaths of god knows how many people from being deported or forced into gay conversion therapy or back alley abortions, etc. etc.

I'm a horrible murderer either way so I'm just not gonna say. I did vote to reverse Citizens United in my state and to build more sidewalks in my city. Bothell is oddly lacking in sidewalks and it's unsafe for people who walk places.

Anyway, if you're a big fan of existential horror of the strangest variety, I recently came across a game called Grand Old Academy. It's a dating simulator in the style of many Japanese/anime sims in which you play a Japanese exchange student to an American private boarding high school that has a very popular and serious debate club. The winner of a series of debates leading up to the finals in July gets send to the regional finals and determines the reputation of the entire school.

The name of this exchange student happens to be Mori America. And she goes by America.

Yes. It's a dating sim in which all the eligible bachelors are candidates for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. Jeb Bush. Marco Rubio. Ted Cruz. Rand Paul. Ben Carson. John Kasich. Donald Trump.

I haven't talked about video games on here in quite a long time. But this is an important one. It brilliantly combines the writing and visual style of an anime dating sim with all the most bizarre and hilarious tropes of the Republican primary debates. Donald Trump talks like Donald Trump. Marco Rubio is easily flustered and always drinking water. Ted Cruz has a black notebook that he is very serious about.

And like. Just look at this screenshot.

Click to Enlarge
This game cut me to my very soul.

Anyway, the game still needs to be funded and only a demo is available, but even the demo is fairly extensive and has many different endings to be discovered. And I need to be able to play the rest of it because that is the type of person that I am. You can find the demo on their Kickstarter page and for the love of god, if you can, please donate to them. I need the full game. I NEED IT.

It's just so beautiful and terrible.

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