Friday, June 5, 2015

Gaslighting

[TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, ABLEISM, ABLEIST SLURS]

People really need to understand gaslighting. If you don't know, it was named after that old-timey story where this guy screwed with his wife by dimming the flames in the old-timey street lamps outside their house and then telling her that they were exactly as bright as they'd always been, leading the poor woman to come to believe that she was imagining the dimness and therefore "going crazy." 

Basically, it refers to any time where people are misleading, up to the point of straight up lying, in order to confuse others or make them uncertain of their own memories and perceptions. 

There's a comic going around Tumblr on the subject:

Click to Enlarge

To see the rest, you must go to Gale Galligan's blog.

I think the most common form of gaslighting is when people say something fucked up or make a promise they then break and when you confront them about it later, they say they never said that. "I never said that" when someone said that is something I've dealt with a lot.

Another form of that, I think, is when anti-feminists will say something clearly misogynistic or supportive of rape culture and when you try and explain why their words were fucked up, they immediately go straight to "I NEVER SAID I HATE WOMEN, DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH."

By doing this, they're shutting down any kind of argument by trying to impose a rule that says you can only respond to the exact words they say as though there's never any subtext behind it or as though language somehow is never affected by culture and never affects culture. At the same time, they imply that you must be "crazy" to see misogyny behind statements like "women's sports are boring and therefore don't deserve attention and funding" or "this woman probably lied to get attention."

I find the best way to counter this behavior is to turn it around on them. Start making wild generalizations about men and when they complain that you're a "misandrist" say "I NEVER SAID I WAS A MISANDRIST STOP MAKING THINGS UP." It's fun.

Though when it comes to people you know personally who are just abusive in this manner, I recommend immediately cutting them out of your life in any capacity possible.

5 comments:

Senzu said...

First off, women lie more than men....countless studies show that so go look it up yourself. Secondly why should a man not defend himself if he's accused of rape, especially in today's society where the girls don't care and want to sleep around more than men. They consider that part of being equal, so be it then.


Everyone that hangs out and get high and drunk knows the consequences, both the girls and guys, so no one should be exempt since we're suppose to be "equal". Shit happens to both genders when drunk and high, so this should not an issue that relates only to women because we all know bad shit happens to guys as well, but it's made into a joke in the end.....another double standard of today's society.


Don't get me wrong, if it's a real rape incident, everyone involved should be held accountable, but it's all these fake bs cases that flaws this topic. On the real, there're just as many incidents of male abuse as female, it's just that the male abuse is overlooked as I said before because it's made into a joke, and also because of societies double standards.

Senzu said...

Feminists are the cause of the double standards.....so now they're fighting to fix it? What you say makes no sense. Maybe the initial idea they had correct, but they choose the wrong path and it can be proven to people not blinded and actually care to look into it. I can write books to prove my point, but I'll do that some other time, as I'm writing on a few other articles now.

Mooseplaining Max said...

That should be amusing.

Senzu said...

Doesn't change the fact that they created double standards because they fight for more than what they claim though. If the end result was equality and nothing more, there would be no double standard for me to discuss, would there?

Lindsey Weedston said...

"First off, women lie more than men"

LMAO. Sure. Studies. I'm sure those exist.

Do you even know what post you're commenting on? This post was about gaslighting. Take your lies and rape apologia to the correct blog piece.