Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Women Can't Win: Rejection Edition

As a woman, I can say that there are few moments in life that are more uncomfortable than when a guy comes on to me, and the advance is unwelcome. It's pretty much the most stressful thing that can happen to a woman short of actual assault, and that's due to the threat of assault.

Some basic psychology: Put a rat in a maze and electrocute any path the rat can take. As soon as the rat realizes that there is no path it can take without horrible pain, it will freeze. The stress and fear is so great that it will go into flight, fight, or freeze mode. There's nowhere to run and nothing to fight, so it freezes.

Being a woman who is subject to an unwelcome advance from a man is like being in that hell maze.

I bring this up because I found this gifset on Tumblr from some shit video made by some asshole who decided he wanted to yell at some random woman who lied to him about having a boyfriend.

The gifset shows a different man going over to the target woman to tell her that he found something of her boyfriend's. She replies that she doesn't have a boyfriend. After that, this piece of shit dudebro goes up to her and comes on in the grossest manner, calling her "sweetheart" right off the bat, saying that he had to come over to her because she's so cute, and after a very brief conversation, suggests that they study alone together. And he emphasizes the word "alone" in a way that would set off warning bells in any woman's head.

Gif of a woman pretending to gag

So she tells him she has a boyfriend. This is a very common rejection tactic for single women, because men are much more likely to respect an imaginary boyfriend's boundaries than the boundaries of the woman herself. If this woman had said "no thanks, I'm not interested," I can guarantee that the result would have been the guy starting a negotiation, demanding reasons why she didn't want to study alone with his creepy ass, and insisting that she was required to give him a chance. That's how it goes.

Because men are taught that they should be "persistent" with women to "wear her down" and never take "no" for an answer, rejecting a guy in an honest fashion is very difficult. They'll negotiate with you for as long as it takes, expecting that you'll eventually say yes just to get them off your fucking back. And if this doesn't work, if we continually refuse, there's a very good chance the guy will become angry. The best we can hope for in most cases is to be shouted at and called any number of slurs.

So we lie, for our safety and our mental well-being. We make up excuses and boyfriends, we give fake numbers, we do whatever we can to soothe to male ego because if we don't, if we're simply honest about our disinterest, we're bitches. Frigid cunts who didn't give the random asswipe a chance he for some reason deserves by existing.

But it seems even lying doesn't work anymore. In the end of this video, the guy reveals that he knows she doesn't have a boyfriend because of the earlier incident. He then says the following:

"I'm sick and tired of this shit. You know, all you girls saying you have a boyfriend but you really don't. You'll never have a boyfriend. You're on camera 2. Fuck outta here."

Animated gif of a girl putting her hand on a window, then slowly switching to giving the finger

This is what we get for trying to let guys down easy, for trying to protect their egos. The brilliance of the fake boyfriend rejection is that it's not really a rejection. We might go out with you if only we didn't have this prior commitment! But that's not good enough for men, who demand that we, as women, do exactly what they want, when they want, without protest or hesitation. What we want doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if we immediately dislike you because you're a creepy pissbucket. We should agree to whatever you want, no matter what.

And if we try to lie and say we have a boyfriend, we get yelled at and insulted, and in this case, because this poor woman was filmed against her will, she's threatened with the spread of the video. Which would of course, in this world, compromise her physical safety.

There is absolutely no winning. And this is why the situation is so terrible. I myself have honestly rejected men by saying I have a boyfriend, and received responses like "well he can come, too" and "don't worry, we'll be discreet." Seriously, no joke. How fucking disgusting can you get?

So what are we supposed to do, huh? Let me ask the men of the world. How the fuck are we supposed to reject you? What is the right way to do so? I would really like to know, so that I don't have to feel like a rat in a hell maze every time it happens, my mind racing back to every news item and every story I've ever heard of women being assaulted, wounded, and killed for daring to reject a man. That would be super great. If I didn't have to worry about that. Thanks.

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