Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of a group of flamingos shuffling around turning their heads back and forth while looking to the sky

I could watch this forever.

Recommended Reading

Why We're Winning: Social Justice is the New Culture War

Us Social Justice Warriors – this is me, stealing that word in order to use it against my enemies- are winning the culture war by tearing up the rulebook, and there’s nothing the sad, mad little boys who hate women and queers and people of colour can do about it. Nothing, at least, that doesn’t sabotage their strategy, because they can win their game from day to day, but they’re losing the war. They can punish me for writing this, and I’m sure they will, but that will only prove my point. I’m not afraid anymore.

HahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love this. It's always important to remember that progress marches on, change is inevitable, and those who want to keep things the same and keep people oppressed will inevitably be trampled by those of us who are marching forward, left in the dust to become bitter old fucks who die alone.

Animated gif of a woman using her middle finger to mime putting on lip balm.

Ferguson Update

What low have the Ferguson police sunk to now?

They're randomly arresting protesters and using them for fucking hostage negotiations.

When the rest of the protesters did as they asked, the arrested people still weren't released.

Our entire nation is a fucking joke.

Also don't compare the protests in Hong Kong to Ferguson, please.

Fake Headline of the Month


Monday, September 29, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of a teenage boy in a girl's bathroom pointing to the tampon dispenser and angrily demanding, "What is this? We don't have a candy machine!"

Men's Rights Activists.

Men Don't Understand Rape


Lately I've been talking about rape culture and how it feels to live in it as a women, and how most people don't seem to care about it - including many women. Though I think that it's a defense mechanism for many women. They may appear to not care, but they're really avoiding thinking about it, making excuses to believe it's not as prevalent as it seems or will never happen to them, or just shutting themselves down emotionally when faced with the idea because it's too scary and disturbing. I know I do this sometimes. Sometimes it just gets to be too much.

But with men, I really think they don't understand how terrible rape is, at all, even though they can experience it. I've seen men watch scenes in movies or TV shows where a man is clearly making a woman nervous, uncomfortable, or simply terrified in the way he's touching her or talking to her, and they'll laugh about it. Women might laugh along, but at least some of them will be visibly disturbed. And the men don't even seem to pick up on this reaction. They remain oblivious.

It's not just my own observations. The author of the young adult novel Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson, can back me up. Speak is a novel about a 9th grade girl who is raped by a senior, and, as many women and girls do, decides not to tell anyone. She becomes isolated from her friends, her grades decline over the following year, and she deals with a deepening depression as she navigates the symptoms of PTSD and feelings of despair. I read this book when I was in middle school, and the rape scene, though quick and not super explicit, disturbed me horribly.

According to the author, many boys who read it did not have the same reaction.

Well before Steubenville, "I was shocked when I realized how ignorant boys are about this," she told me. "It became clear in 2002, after five years of pretty heavy school visits, and people putting the book into the curriculum. In every single demographic—country, city, suburban, various economic classes, ethnic backgrounds—I'd go into a class and talk about the book. And usually by the end, a junior boy would say, 'I love the book, but I really didn’t get why she was so upset.' I heard that so many times.

Anderson goes on to talk about the myth of violent stranger rape, but it's more than that. The protagonist of Speak was clearly raped, and she actually recognizes it as such, which is actually kind of unusual. She explicitly calls it rape, and even as a young, uneducated teen, I recognized it for what it was immediately. There was no doubt in my mind that she was raped. I'd never been taught about consent or how being drunk isn't consent (and in fact makes consent impossible). I'd never heard of rape culture. But I knew.

I don't believe that the boys who read it thought that it wasn't rape. I think that boys and men in our society don't experience anything close to the same emotional reaction to the idea of rape than women do.

I also don't see anyone explicitly putting forth this idea, that men really, really don't get it. That they don't understand how bad rape it. Probably because they can predict the reaction. But I'm here to be honest, so here it is. I see men react hardly at all to the idea of rape, while most women are repulsed and horrified by it.

One final observation to support this idea comes from discussions or arguments I've had where the comparison between rape and murder arises. I've seen many men talk about rape and murder as though it's the same, such as in arguments that we have tons of killing in video games, so why not rape? This idea was so prevalent that it was addressed in a Jim Sterling video, partially because the argument was made by one of the fucking Penny Arcade assholes. Yeah, some of the most influential figures in gamer culture think that murder and rape are the same.

But even more striking is the fact that I've had multiple arguments where a dude will challenge me by asking whether I'd prefer to be raped or murdered. The answer is that I would prefer to be murdered. I'd rather die than be raped. And I am not the only woman I know who has expressed this same preference. Yet these men are astonished by my answer. So much so that they always refuse to believe me. They think I'm lying, they say that no one could possibly prefer death.

I'm not lying. I wish I didn't prefer death, honestly. Doing what I do isn't easy when rape is so disturbing to me that I'd rather die than experience it. But it's also the reason why I have to fight it. So.

I don't have a large sample size on this, but I'd be curious to see the difference between men and women here. I'd hypothesize that many more women would prefer death than men.

Why the difference? Why can't men seem to grasp how awful rape is? I've never met a guy who expressed the same revulsion to the idea of rape as I feel. Ever. And it kind of haunts me. Does the sickness of our society run so deep? Are the emotions of men, due to how we raise them, so stunted? How did this happen? How can we possibly stop rape culture when men don't even understand how horrible rape is?

I really don't have an answer to this. I guess I thought I'd start by actually addressing it.

Look At This Dog

Animated gif of an excited dog picking up a stick and placing it on the lap of a seated statue


Bell Hooks!

September 25th was bell hooks' birthday! I missed it! Bell hooks is an incredible woman and an incredible writer. She's my hero. You should read her stuff.

Yes, It Is A Gender Issue


One of the annoying responses to anything I write ever is the inevitable person who wants to pretend that sexism isn't a real problem except for in those OTHER places (and those fucking egalitarians, gross) - the person who comes in to say "well MEN have to deal with this, too" and "this isn't a gender/sexism problem, it's an asshole problem."

Yeah, no, it's about gender. It always is. Every time.

Like the dudes who want to pretend that men get harassed online, too. Okay, sure, except what you would call "harassment" I would call a day ending in Y.

Exhibit A - Cyber Harassment: Yes, It is a Woman’s Thing

Researchers create chat bots and give them either a traditionally female name or a traditionally male name. Results:

The study found that female bots received on average 100 malicious private messages a day while the male bots received an average of 3.7. It found that the user gender had a significant impact on the number of sexually explicit and threatening messages received. Moreover, studies suggest that women under-report cyber harassment due to feelings of shame, not over-report as the commentator suggests.

Remember, kids, if you ever feel like suggesting to a woman that something isn't a gender issue,

Animated gif of a guy saying "instead, try shutting the fuck up forever"

Friday, September 26, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of three of the same Beyonce head rising and falling with her eyes closed.

More Beyonce excellence. Good lord she is glorious.

Good News!

Tweet by @MaximumTrent
[Tweet text: It's very simple, I and and (sic) a growing number of men will not date feminists. Ladies, make your choices. #heforshe #WomenAgainstFeminism]

It's time to make a choice, fellow ladies. Should we celebrate with fireworks or a parade? We might need both if we're going to express our jubilation that fuckwads like Trent Max aren't going to try and pretend to be decent humans to trick us into dating them anymore. Now we can just say "I'm a feminist" and assholes like this will be instantly repelled! Hallelujah! 

Animated gif of a chorus of nuns singing "hallelujah!"

Look At This Dog

Animated gif of a small dog stealing a sled from a kid while he's sledding and then sledding off with it

This dog stole the kid's sled. Look at that dog's leg go! He must have really needed to get the hell away from that kid.

The Reality of Rape

To women, rape is not distant. It’s not something sad that comes up in the news sometimes, like natural disasters or suicide bombers in other countries. Rape is an ever present reality for victims and those who have never been victimized.

Remember when you were a child, and when the sun would go down your parents would call you inside? Remember when they would tell you not to run off on your own? Remember the “don’t talk to strangers” conversation in which they informed you that bad people might take you away and do bad things to you if you weren’t careful? Remember thinking that someday you would be an adult and would be able to go anywhere at whatever time you wanted, and how cool that would be? Remember becoming an adult and moving out of your parents’ house and realizing with delight that your dream had come true – that you could now play wherever and whenever you wanted?

I remember all of that except the last bit. A woman grows up and goes “Aw, crap. I still can’t do what I want.” Because going out at night alone could get you abducted. Because wandering away from the group in the city could get you raped. You can’t walk a dark parking lot without glancing over your shoulder, keys out and poised to fight. You can’t get drunk at a party without a comprehensive plan about how you will get home safely. You can’t have an open drink leave your sight for a second.

Not just because you might get raped. But because if it does happen, people will wonder why you were so reckless. Why did you go out alone? Don’t you know it’s not safe for you?

Women are expected to live their lives as scared children – and we do, because we must. The threat of rape is a constant companion, the knowledge of its possibility constantly tapping us on the shoulder. It’s not even just the knowledge that it could happen. It’s knowing that it can happen. That so many people are capable of doing this to us. We walk the world every day knowing in some part of our minds that there are a significant number of men out there who think of us as little more than a hole to fuck.

To them, we are not human. Not people. Not minds and emotions and pain and joy and psyches that can break. Holes. Holes to satisfy their wants. Can you imagine someone treating you as less than a human being? Someone taking you and humiliating you, shaming you, lording their power over you to tell you that no matter what you do, you can’t stop them from hurting you in the worst way imaginable? Can you imagine if someone came up to you and demonstrated that they don’t give a single fuck about the fact that your psyche will be shattered by their actions and that you will live in pain and uncertainty and dysfunction for the rest of your life?

Then can you imagine that nearly 5% of the male population consists of people who would do that to you, and you can never really know who is who? Can you imagine that people would shame you if this did happen to you, tell you that you shouldn’t have acted as you did, as though someone else’s violent actions against you were somehow your fault? Then, as a final insult, can you imagine people who will almost certainly never experience or even have to worry about experiencing what happened to you, talking about it as though it were no big deal, and telling you that you shouldn’t be so uptight about the worst thing that’s ever happened or could ever happen to you? Can you imagine how infuriating it would be to know that said people walk through life without ever for a second worrying about being raped, and that they cannot possibly understand what it’s like for you?

If you can manage to imagine all of these things, you might begin to understand why women take the topic of rape so seriously. Because for us, it’s everywhere. It’s real. It’s part of every woman’s life whether she’s sexually assaulted or not. When it comes to women who have been sexually assaulted, I know I could never understand what they’ve been through. But just for the fact that I am female, rape is and will always be a shadowed reality for me, lurking around every corner. And the world will forever be a place containing not only people morally capable of rape, but full of people who want to tell me to lighten up about it. Try my life out for a day, and then you can speak.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar drinking from a glass of water, then shouting "oh come on" suddenly, spraying water everywhere

Me reading that article. You know the one.

Happy Time

We need some happy after that last post. Here is a video of a kitten and a donkey who are best friends.

Insert Nonsensical String of Very Loud Profanity Here


Hey. Hey. Hey. Remember how I've been talking about ableism? And like how women with disabilities face an extreme risk of sexual assault and abuse? Well FUCK FUCK FUCKITY GOD DAMN SHIT.

School Allegedly Uses Girl As ‘Bait’ For Sexual Predator, Leading To Her Rape

The school did nearly everything wrong upon learning that a girl was being continually sexually harassed by this boy. According to a lawsuit, rather than move immediately to put an end to the victimization, the girl’s teacher set up an elaborate sting operation to “catch him in the act.” This involved asking the girl, who is described as having special needs, to lure her attacker into a school bathroom while her teacher watched from a distance. “Don’t do anything. Just get him to meet you and we’ll catch him,” the teacher allegedly instructed the student. 
According to police records, the teacher even told school administration about her plan, and while they didn’t actively encourage it, they also didn’t tell her no. 
Unfortunately, the terrible plan was even more poorly executed. The teacher said she watched the bathroom for a while during the agreed upon time, but didn’t see the girl or the boy enter so she simply shrugged and left school. Meanwhile, the girl had gone to a different bathroom and while in there, she was assaulted by the boy.

Are you screaming profanity yet? It gets worse.

A doctor confirmed that the girl showed signs of having been raped, but the teacher felt no responsibility for what happened. The school even tried to defend itself by saying the student probably consented to the sex, despite the clear evidence that she had approached a teacher beforehand and asked for help. 
Having been informed that the girl was assaulted, the school still did nothing. According to CNN, Dunaway testified that the girl “was responsible for herself once she entered the bathroom.” It was her fault because she put herself in that bathroom. The place, if you recall, she was only in because the teacher had told her to go there or the harassment wouldn’t stop.


I can't remember if it was on this blog or on Tumblr that I said it would be more accurate to call rape culture "nobody gives a shit about rape" culture. The teacher and the administration don't care that this girl was raped. They only cared enough to casually brush off any responsibility for the horrific and highly traumatic assault of a developmentally disabled girl by saying that she must have consented, even though the entire purpose of the "sting" was to prove that this boy was violating the same girl's consent through repeated harassment and sexual assault.

The teacher didn't care. The principal didn't care. The other administrators didn't care. They don't care about what happened to this girl. They just don't. fucking. care.

This is what gets me so irate, again and again. How is it possible that you don't collapse in guilt and grief and regret after becoming responsible for the rape of a disabled child? HOW??? HOW IS THIS A THING THAT IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE?

And the thing is, you know that part of the reason that they don't care is because she's disabled. They don't view her as fully human, because in our society, people with developmental disabilities or people on the autism spectrum, they aren't really people and we don't really need to care about them, right? Just make sure they stay alive for the most part, but beyond that, no one cares.

This is why my feminism will always include disabled people. They are the most vulnerable to our "nobody gives a shit about rape" culture.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of Esmeralda from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame spitting in Follo's face

Pretty much the perfect misandry gif. A woman's literally about to be burned at the stake for being a sexual woman, but she spit in a man's face???? MISANDRY.


Look At This Awesome Thing: #NotAllMen

Tweet by @happierman
[Tweet text: The captain has turned on the "not all men" sign.]


I'm making it my goal to bring back the Not All Men meme. Its life was far too short.

Image of King Joffrey from Game of Thrones with his hand on his chest and mouth open, looking appalled, and the caption "NOT ALL MEN!"



Men Threaten Emma Watson for Saying a Thing

As you've probably heard, Emma Watson made a speech at the UN which was pretty awesome (even if it was too man-pander-y for my taste) about the need for feminism and how men need to get involved in it.

I'm here to kill your buzz by reminding you that any fucking time a woman tries to work toward furthering the liberation of women, there will be men threatening her.

Every. Time. These are not isolated incidents and this is not an idle threat. A lot of men participate in these vile attacks that have a singular purpose: silencing women. Keeping women from fighting their oppression. Keeping us down. Maintaining the culture in which men have power over us.

This is a serious thing. And it happens all. the. time.

I hope Emma Watson uses her money and power to destroy these 4chan pieces of shit.

Bisexual Awareness Day


[Image text: I am not confused. I am not going through a phase. I am not experimenting, I am not half gay and half straight. I am not greedy. I am not lying. I do not need to make my mind up. I am not just trying to be cool. I am certain. I'm not saying everyone is, but I Am Bisexual.]

Today is Bisexual Awareness Day. So it's the perfect opportunity for me to address an issue that not many are aware of: biphobia.

Biphobia is exactly what it sounds like - a term that refers to a specific set of prejudices and stereotypes faced by bisexual people.

People who are bisexual often face a lack of acceptance both in the larger society they live in as well as local LGBTQAIP+ organizations. Many complain that gay men and lesbian women will treat them as though they are "not gay enough" or like they're straight people going through a "phase." This often leaves them feeling as though they have no community to turn to for support. I've even seen reports of bisexual persons being verbally and physically attacked at pride parades.

Another big issue they deal with is referred to as "compulsory heterosexuality." When a bisexual woman dates a man, or a bisexual man dates a woman, people will often act as though they are no longer bisexual. They have to deal with the people accusing them of being in a "bisexual phase" of then acting as though they were right all along, and the bisexual person is actually straight. This is erasure of the bisexual identity. Even well meaning people will often refer to these relationships as "straight relationships," even though they're not for the simple fact that at least of of them is STILL BISEXUAL.

Worse, bisexual women are heavily sexualized. I can't tell you how many examples I've seen of men assuming that, when they learn that a woman is bisexual, it's an ideal time to request a three-way with him and his girlfriend. It's often assumed that bisexual women are more sexually available in general than the average woman, which is not true at all. And of course, this leads to higher amounts of sexual assault and rape among bisexual women compared to straight women.

You can help to combat biphobia simply by believing and accepting any person who says they're bisexual. I don't care if they've never been in a relationship with someone of the same sex. If someone says they're bisexual, they're bisexual. AND DON'T ASK WOMEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW FOR THREE-WAYS, STRAIGHT MEN. DAMN.

For more information on biphobia, I found a pretty good explanation on the UC San Diego LBGT Resource Center website. I especially recommend scrolling down to check out the "What Does Biphobia Look Like?" list.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera following a flying box of Pizza Rolls

An obsession with Pizza Rolls would certainly be healthier than his obsession with Christine. I mean, emotionally.

Tweets That Describe Me


When someone says what I've been trying to say with essays in less than 140 characters.

You Need Money to Get a Job

If there's one type of privilege that's obvious, it's class privilege. I sometimes avoid talking too much about class privilege because I've seen a lot of liberals use the concept of class privilege to try and deny that white privilege exists, saying that people of color only face oppression because they're more likely to be poor or be perceived as poor (entirely missing the fact that part of white privilege is how much easier it is for us to get quality education and jobs, plus like all of world history, etc.)

However, it is important to talk about because there are a LOT of people beyond just the rich Republicans who don't understand how hard it is to be poor. Boehner once again pontificated on how lazy the unemployed are, but his attitude is shared by a lot of people I know who are middle class or raised in a middle class family, even if they identify as liberal/Democrat. It's a prevailing attitude that if only poor people would just work harder or work to find certain resources or just TRY, etc., they would be able to find a good job and lift themselves out.


Let me explain this with a story of my own class privilege. I was raised in a middle class family. My parents always had enough money and I wanted for nothing. Going off to college and then into the working world, I was supported by the knowledge that I had a family safety net. If I ever really need it, my parents can bail me out.

You know what else I have? A college education with just a little bit of student loan debt. A reliable car. Money in a savings account.

And you know what? Finding a job after my two months of blogging after quitting my last job - all things that were made possibly by money - was easy for me. But I never could have gotten my current job without money.

As a food courier, I needed to purchase a new phone for $80 (plus taxes and fees) because my old one wasn't compatible with the required company app. In order to be able to work longer than 6 hours at a time, I needed to buy a car charger for the phone as well. Two weeks into the job, my brakes started making noises. I'm at an auto shop right now to get them repaired for over $200. Of course, if I didn't have a decent car in the first place, I never would have been able to take the job.

I can't stress how much location and having a car matters, at least in the US. My options would be incredibly limited without a car. Even with a car, it's stressful because it is getting old and I worry that it will begin to have problems beyond needing new brake pads. Car repairs can be incredibly expensive. Without a car, I'd have to rely on the incredibly shitty local bus service, which is only going to become shittier because of budget cuts and the local population's refusal to make up for them by taking a little increase in vehicle registration expenses. Plus, the bus is expensive. I live close to the county border, so taking a job in south Snohomish would mean that I would have to pay $7 per day just to get to work, which is more than I would pay for gas.

This is just my personal experience in realizing how hard and expensive being poor in the US is. You can read plenty of other articles listing the various expenses that poor people experience that middle class people would never have to think about.

The inability to find better work isn't about laziness. It's about money. Money that poor people often don't have. They can't afford a car. Or a phone when an increasing amount of jobs are requiring smart phones. They can't afford to take the time off necessary to look for new jobs, participate in job placement programs, go to interviews, etc. They can't afford nice clothes for interviews. They can't afford nutritious food that might give them the energy to look for better work. They can't afford to buy their own health insurance when their shitty job at Fred Meyer actually provides them with some.

Even if they're unemployed, are they supposed to somehow afford an education these days? Average tuition is so expensive now that a friend of mine couldn't get enough money from student loans to go to school full time. She had to do part time, which meant she took longer to graduate while the interest charges built up. Plus, a college education is no longer a guarantee of a decent job. Or even a crappy job. I know multiple people my age with BA's who have tried to get jobs as dishwashers to supplement their income because full time jobs are so uncommon now, and never even gotten a response. Sooooo WTF.

Anyone who thinks that the poor, underemployed or unemployed in the US are simply "lazy" has no idea what the hell is actually going on, at all, the end.

Feminist Music

Today's feminist song comes from an artist that I never would have though of as feminist, at least when I was younger and was super into shaming women for expressing their sexuality.

Can't Hold Us Down by Christina Aguilera featuring Lil' Kim is a fantastic feminist anthem. It deals explicitly with multiple feminist themes, including the condemnation of sexual double standards and giving a big "fuck you" to misogynistic men who don't respect a woman's worth and thinks they should be "seen not heard." It encourages women to "shout out loud" in opposition to men who want us to keep quiet. It also praises the new feminist trend of women calling out misogyny and double standards. Lil' Kim's part also points out how men steal her ideas - something that's been happening for centuries (at least).

Really, the only problem with this song is some implied cissexism. Other than that, it's a perfect addition for any matriarch's feminist playlist.

Morning Announcements

I have to take my car in to get the brakes checked. God knows how long it will take or if any place nearby will have WiFi.

UPDATE: Les Scwhwab has WiFi. Who knew?

Friday, September 19, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of April from Pars & Rec saying "time is money, money is power, power is pizza and pizza is knowledge"


Never Forget. About Manfeels Park.

Remember when I discovered Manfeels Park and shared it on here? That was a good day. It's been too long since I featured it. Look at this one:

The lady laughing into her napkin is priceless. Please visit Manfeels Park.

Look At This Awesome Thing: Pixel Art

No more sad, time for some pretty.


Animated gif of a castle above a waterfall in a jungle.


Animated gif of a stream under a mountain with aurora borealis happening in the night sky


Animated gif of huge carved stones illuminated by torches in the middle of a pool of water at dusk

Isn't that amazing and beautiful? You can find more pixel art by Mr. Mark Ferrari here.

Ferguson Update


Protests are still going on in Ferguson and St. Louis, even if you aren't hearing about it.

There was a St. Louis City Council Meeting on Tuesday, which protesters from Ferguson and surrounding areas attended to voice their displeasure at the lack of action or any perceivable fuck-giving about the murder of Mike Brown.

Then there's this huge tweet essay detailing the corruption of the Ferguson police chief and Governor Jay Nixon. Just, damn. You have to read this shit.

Do not forget about Ferguson. Do not let this fade into the background and accomplish nothing. This shit cannot go on.

Hostility to Consent

Animated gif of Rush Limbaugh doing a jerk, erratic dance in his chair.

Yeah, this isn't actually news because it's more predictable than "not all men" comments on feminist discussions, but Rush Limbaugh said something grossly sexist that upholds rape culture.

You've probably already read about what he said, but I want to focus on one specific part of his comments.

Limbaugh then read off Ohio State University's definition of consent, which outlines how two people should behave once they have decided to engage in a sexual relationship. It states that you and your partner must agree to engage in the activity every step of the way, including agreeing on "why" you are doing so. But that just sucks all the fun out of it, Limbaugh said. 
"Agreeing on the 'why' takes all the romance out of everything!" he said. "Seduction used to be an art, now of course it's brutish and it's predatory and it's bad."

Now, we all know that Rush Limbaugh is a bottom feeder in the scum-filled swamp of conservative pundits, so it's never surprising when he says something awful. However, I've seen the sentiment that asking for consent "sucks the fun out of it" before. I'm actually kind of glad Rush made these comments, because now I can just tell people who say shit like this that they're acting like him. That shuts assholes down pretty quick. Works well with people who use the word "feminazi."

It's really disturbing that discomfort with or open hostility to enthusiastic consent is so widespread. It is, of course, complete bullshit that asking for consent makes sex less fun. Communication to make sure both (or all) partners are fully enjoying themselves always makes sex better, whether it's in the form of dirty talk or just the breathless "do you like that?"

Image of smiling woman saying "We're Wasps. Wasps don't yell, it's genetic."
And I say this as someone who was raised in a total WASP family and is therefore totally sexually repressed. I can't do dirty talk. I can't really bring myself to say anything during sexual activity unless we pause or I'm asked a yes or no question. But my partner and I still manage to ensure ongoing enthusiastic consent during sex through communication before sex occurs and just by being attuned to one another's body language. My partner can immediately tell when I tense up or hesitate, and he'll stop to check in with me. Because, you know, he actually cares about me and not just his own pleasure.

It's really that simple. Most humans are remarkably skilled at reading non-verbal cues in others. It's totally easy to tell if someone isn't into what's going on. That's why it's bullshit when people try to claim that rape was a "misunderstanding." You didn't miss the fact that they didn't want to have sex. You ignored it. You ignored their clear body language because you didn't care about what they wanted.

I'll often use the phrase "hostility to consent," which I picked up from Melissa McEwen. Rush Limbaugh is clearly hostile to the idea of consent, as are many other men. They aren't interested in creating a situation where everyone involved in the encounter is equally happy about what's going on, either because they're gross, awful people who could likely never get the enthusiastic consent of anyone, or because they're actually in pursuit of the feeling of power that they get when dominating another person. They don't want consent. They want to feel like they're taking something from someone else, like they're in total control of them.

This is why enthusiastic consent is so important. It is literally in absolute opposition to rape culture. It shuts down narratives that men are supposed to pursue, cajole, and harass reluctant women until they get what they want. It rejects the idea that sex is a mission of conquest. But for men who get off on the idea of conquest and domination, as well as men who just don't know any better because they've been raised on those narratives (and on nasty mainstream porn), the growing acceptance of enthusiastic consent in our society is a threat. At best, it means they have to work to change their idea of sex, and change is hard.

At worst, it actually stands in the way of what they really want, which is not to have sex. It's to be able to rape women without punishment. Rapists rely on the bullshit "misunderstanding" excuse and people's willingness to believe it. They rely on the idea of the lack of a "no" being consent. If rapists are required to get clear consent each step of the way, they can no longer claim that they didn't know she didn't want it.

This is why being opposed to enthusiastic consent is a 100% pro-rape position. If you find it to be less "fun," then you think that your entertainment - that your pursuit of women as though they are prey rather than people - is more important than preventing rape. Or you just think that rape is awesome. Either way, please move to the sun.

Animated gif of Jazz from Fresh Prince being thrown out the door over and over

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of Princess Bubblegum angrily flipping a table over.

Hands down my favorite table flip gif ever.

Corporal Punishment is Fucking Terrible and That is Extremely Old News


Seriously, psychologists have known for decades that corporal punishment both has many negative effects on the child and DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK AT ALL. If you think you turned out fine despite being hit by your parents as a kid, I don't actually care. The fact is that most kids will be way worse off if their parents hit them. It's terrible for all reasons, always, forever, for everyone, full stop, DISCUSSION FUCKING OVER.

Animated gif of a girl slamming a door shut, revealing a "KEEP OUT" sign on the door

People Screwing With Richard Dawkins


Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Gif of the Day

Animated gif of a sun with arms and a face pulling itself out of a crevice and breathing fire at knights who are trying to fight it

I have no idea what this is from but it's pretty much how I feel about mornings.

Look At This Awesome Thing: Asexuality by Tiny Dinosaur

Oh my god this is so cute, I wish Tiny Dinosaur would teach so much more about asexuality, and, really, everything, but mostly about asexuality because people need to learn more about it! Many people, much more!

This was created by Tumblr blog New Ace on the Block, which is amazing. If you're looking for info on the basics of asexuality, there's no cuter way to learn than by this image set of a tiny dinosaur wearing a tiny sweater teaching with post-it notes!!

[Image text: Asexualty
-by Tiny Dinosaur] 

-Sexual attraction] 

-Romantic stuff
-Platonic stuff
Many different!] 

[If sometimes maybe sexual attraction;
-Grey asexual

[Is sexual orientation
-Like hetero, homo, bi, pan -sexual
all group very diverse!] 

[If unknown, asexual person maybe feel

[If awareness
-less sad
-less alone
-not broken
-not confused] 

[Thank for time!]



This particular document outlining studies that have been done on the developmentally disabled is really, really fucking disturbing, and outlines why fighting against ableism is AN EXTREMELY IMPORTANT PART OF DECENT FEMINISM.

Warning: The link will cause a rich text file to be downloaded onto your computer. You can view it in Wordpad and probably regular Word, and I have verified that it does not contain any viruses. Just disturbing statistics.

Download the paper here.

If you don't want to read the whole thing, just check out this excerpt (trigger warning):

More than 90 percent of people with developmental disabilities will experience sexual abuse at some point in their lives.  49 percent will experience 10 or more abusive incidents (Valenti-Hein & Schwartz, 1995).  Other studies suggest that 39 to 68 percent of girls and 16 to 30 percent of boys will be sexually abused before their eighteenth birthday.  The likelihood of rape is staggering:  15,000 to 19,000 of people with developmental disabilities are raped each year in the United States (Sobsey, 1994).

John Oliver and Jon Stewart doing spit takes


Finn and Jake smiling, then making unsure faces, then making horrified faces.

It's abled privilege that allowed me to be unaware of this reality and therefore experience shock upon becoming aware. That being said, HOLY FUCK WHAT THE SHIT FUCKING HELL FUCK NO NO NO NO NO NO NO WHAT NO FUCK JESUS FUCK.

So yeah can we all agree that ableism is a problem now? Maybe do something about this shit? Maybe it's time to stop complaining about not being able to use certain words because hey AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THOSE ODDS, YEAH?

Blowing Apart Your Gender Norms, Wolf Style

Hey guess what.

Image of a wolf pack with text above it.
[Image text: Contrary to popular thinking, wolves are not dominated by an "Alpha Wolf" that is the most aggressive male, or male-female pairing, of the pack. Rather, they have found that wolf packs are similar to human families, and there is little aggression or fights for "dominance."]

Yet another case of people assuming that everything has always followed modern, Western gender roles, even in the animal kingdom. Turns out, there's no such thing as alpha males when it comes to wolves, at least in their standard environment. Dominating behavior was only observed when wolves were captured and thrown into a space with a bunch of unrelated wolves, creating confusion and unusual wolf behavior.

So if you’re an ‘alpha wolf’ then you are, in point of fact, not the noble, fierce and imposing leader of a group who respects you, but a scared wild creature with no social support frantically lashing out at strangers to try and gain some semblance of control over a fundamentally uncontrollable environment? 
That would explain a few things.

Haha. Ha. Ha.

Morning Announcements

Today is my first day of an only-daytime work schedule, so you'll be seeing only scheduled posts. Going to try and find a way to posts these on Facebook and Tumblr during the day, or maybe I'll just do that when I get home. Please feel free to still comment and all that, I'll get to you as soon as I can.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Gif of the Day

I'm actually convinced that bears are secretly just as intelligent as humans and secretly laugh at us behind our backs for our ignorance.

Amazing Women of Color

I'm not going to post the whole gifset because that's a lot of work and I need to write more petitions, but you have to check out this gifset I found on Tumblr of Lupita Nyong'o on Sesame Street talking about how much she loves the color of her skin and everybody else should love their own skin, too. It's so fucking cute and amazing.

Also, I fucking love Lupita Nyong'o. If life were an anime, her smile would make my eyes go all big and sparkly.

Lupita Nyong'o smiling with eyes closed and hand over the left half of her face


Something is Wrong With Men


No, seriously.

Graph showing the age of men who look best to women rising with the age of the women

Graph showing that men prefer the look of women age 20-24 no matter how old the men get
Graphs found here.

Can we talk about what the fuck is going on here? And don't pull any of that bullshit evo psych on me, because if it's about evolution, when why isn't it the same for women? If men are seeking out young women for peak physical condition reasons, why wouldn't women be looking for mates in peak physical condition to protect their offspring?

No, as usual, this is sociological. This is a sickness in our society. I've said it before and I'll say it again as many times as needed, because people are super reluctant to face the obvious truth on this one.

The men in our society have a pedophilia problem. They prefer women to look pretty much as young as is socially acceptable. Seriously, there is a rampant pedophilia streak within our society's men, and actual pedophiles are much more common than you think. And something needs to be fucking done about it, god fucking damnit.

I am so fucking tired of people looking the other way on this issue in order that we don't offend the delicate sensibilities of men. How long have we been sacrificing little girls on the alter of "don't hurt the poor men's feelings"? How long will we continue to let little children suffer for it?

I know I'm done. You can either face this issue or get off of my blog forever, because I'm talking about it. NOT SORRY.

We Need to Talk About This Right Now


I really should have posted about this much sooner. It's a horrifying thing to comprehend, but it's also a chance to use my white privilege for good.

You know how Canada seems super great, especially compared to the US? Well, buckle up, because Canada's no saint. Canada has a racism problem.

That's right.

Canada was another country colonized by the British, and it also was inhabited by people before the British got there. These aboriginal peoples were, as per usual, treated like shit. And they're still being treated like shit by the now independent Canadian government and their white citizens.

How shitty, you ask? 1,200 aboriginal women have gone missing in the past 30 years. Some are never found again, but many turn up dead. And pleas for the Canadian government to fucking do something about this epidemic have fallen on uncaring ears.

Just last month, the body of 15-year-old Tina Fontaine was pulled out of a river after she was missing for eight days. In response, the Twitter hashtag #AmINext has taken off. Well, sort of. I haven't seen it trending, because, you know, we need to talk about Minecraft or some shit.

Violence against indigenous women often goes ignored, even though they suffer a disproportionate amount of it.

Though they represent just 4% of the country's population, indigenous women make up 12% of missing and 16% of murdered women nationwide, RCMP Commissioner Bob Paulson told the Globe and Mail.

The governments of the invaders (yes, that's us) give these women little legal recourse and refuse to recognize the problem. In the US, it was only with the most recent version of VAWA (the one that took two tries to pass) that indigenous groups were allowed to try to the mostly white men who came onto their land to assault and abuse indigenous women in their own fucking courts, rather than hoping that obviously biased courts outside of the reservations would pick up the case and actually fucking prosecute the guy. Yeah, justice has been rare for these women.

The Canadian Prime Minister, meanwhile, basically thinks that we shouldn't have to make this about race.

 "I think we should not view this as sociological phenomenon," he said in a controversial statement in August, CBC reports. "We should view it as crime. It is crime, against innocent people, and it needs to be addressed as such."

I'm sorry, Harper, so we shouldn't view this issue using the lens of actual reality? Fuck you.

Check out the Mic article to see a sampling of the #AmINext tweets. Then retweet some of them and post this shit on Facebook so that more people will actually know about this problem. It's gone on way too long and there has not even been a tiny fraction of the outrage that this problem deserves.


Animated gif of two kitties looking out the window as it snows and then sniffing each other's noses.