It's amazing how when I make a big post talking about a specific thing men tend to do that hinders women's progress, I always seem to attract men who prove the point of said post.
Yesterday I talked about tone policing. This morning, I wake up to a gem of a response from a guy who just can't understand why it's misogynistic for someone to derail a discussion about how men stereotype women gamers by complaining that I'm stereotyping gamer dudes.
"I understand perfectly how sexism works. Sexism is basically discrimination, assumption, or marginalization based on gender. Racism is the same but based on race, and so on and so forth. What I fail to see are the following:
1. How it was sexist? It is literally just “nice job stereotyping”, in response to your stereotyping. Furthermore, that isn’t even the point in the first place.
2. Do you actually think you are helping? If you’re going to contradict me, then explain why instead of pretending this nonsense is some story or game you are concocting in your head. Don’t smack someone and wait for them to get angry to explain why. If I don’t understand how sexism works, tell me. Ever heard of something called “Educating the Ignorant”? It’s become quite a common pass-time of people who dis-like the ignorant.
3. Outside of all this I didn’t actually intend to use any ableist terms, in fact I wasn’t even entirely within the knowledge I actually was. As per stated in my last one, could you please tell me before waiting for a response. What terms did I use that are ableist?"
This is from a guy who started off by declaring himself a male feminist. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Let's list all the things wrong with this.
- No, he does not understand perfectly how sexism works, for the following reasons:
- He's a guy, and therefore hasn't experienced sexism himself.
- He listed a poor definition of sexism that does not include anything about power dynamics.
- He can't even figure out why "not all men" is misogynistic.
- Tone policing - declaring that "I'm not helping" because I didn't respond the way he wanted.
- Demanding that I educate him. I will educate men if I choose, but it is not my job to spend my time and energy educating every ignorant fuckwad that comes along. I do this to empower women. Men need to self-educate. They are allowed to ask questions, but if the woman they're asking doesn't want to spend time answering them, they need to back off rather than get hostile. Our decision to help you get educated is a favor, not a requirement.
- "Concocting in my head" - There is a long history of men telling women that things that are bothering us are all in our heads, hysterical woman trope, etc.
- "If you're going to contradict me" - Oh my god, word choice. HOW DARE YOU CONTRADICT ME, WOMAN.
- Acting as though his anger is justified while mine is not. A woman's anger is never justified in our culture, but a man's always is.
- Again, demands to be educated, even though Googling a list of ableist terms would be super easy for him.